


Drown

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon Compliant, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Hand Jobs, Jedi Ben Solo, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mission Fic, Mission Related, Missions Gone Wrong, Mommy Issues, Nightmares, Pilot Poe Dameron, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Poe Dameron, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Humor, Some angst, The Rise of Kylo Ren Compliant To An Extent, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:54:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: In which a mission to find the Knights of Ren gets more complicated.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12
Collections: The Kylo|Ben x Poe Fanworks Exchange 2020





	Drown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fairleigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For Fairleigh’s prompt:
> 
> “Pre-canon mission fic with Ben as Luke’s Jedi apprentice and Poe as Leia’s New Republic right hand! Ben and Poe have to get along and work together under extenuating circumstances … whether they like it or not! Who is gonna be the bigger brat? XD I’m looking for plenty of bickering, one-upmanship, and reluctant mutual attraction. I’d love first time/awkward/loss of virginity sex for this prompt, and I’m fine with Ben or both Ben and Poe being underage.”
> 
> This turned out more tender in places than I expected. I hope you still like it!

“So we’re actually working with someone?”

Even as Luke and Ben met in the hangar not far from the Jedi Academy, Ben couldn’t help but be skeptical. On the one hand, he should be excited. On the other hand, he already couldn’t help but feel at least a bit of betrayal. A bit. Apparently his mother hadn’t just dumped Ben off at Luke’s Academy —

No. She had her reasons. Mom had been a Jedi once (before, for some reason, she quit. Ben wished she hadn’t. She would have been an awesome Jedi. He knew that much), and she probably thought that Uncle Luke could help him. Not that the rest of Ben’s brain could process that. Not really.

“Yeah,” Luke said. “His name’s Poe. Poe Dameron. Yes, as in Kes Dameron’s son. He just recently joined the Republic fleet and has volunteered for this mission.”

“How noble of him,” Ben said, less sarcastically than he wanted to.

“He used to be a spice runner,” Luke said. “Before he quit.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Again, less sarcastically than Ben intended. Admittedly, Ben couldn’t help but be at least a touch resentful of the very idea. His mother had been all but willing to send him away, but in the end, keep this young man who apparently used to be a spice runner?

It wasn’t like Ben had room to judge, of course. After all, his father had been a smuggler before becoming a galactic war hero. But he couldn’t help but wonder what exactly this one man had that made Ben unable to measure up.

“Ben?” Luke said, softly.

“I’m fine,” Ben said. “Is he nice?”

“From what your mother told me, he is. She spoke quite highly of him.”

_ Of course she did,  _ Ben thought with irritation. Still, if he was nice, maybe Ben’s annoyance with him was unjustified. Then again, of course it was unjustified. It wasn’t even like he had met Poe Dameron yet.

***

Reaching Hosnia Prime proper was difficult, if only because Ben hadn’t gotten sleep (thanks to, again, a nightmare. Maybe he’d run out of nightmares at one point. He hoped), and then there was the fact that meeting Poe, the pilot with curly black hair and a truly garish orange jumpsuit, an orange-and-white BB unit by his side...

_ This  _ was it? Ben couldn’t help but stare for a while at the admittedly very attractive (and that made it worse, he thought. Ben wasn’t attractive at all. Not really. He was gangly and gawky and awkward and weird...which only heightened the idea his mother had just replaced him) man with the orange-and-white BB unit, who was talking with his uncle. His mother, while he was away, decided that she could just up and replace him? Stars...

“And this is my nephew, Ben,” Luke said, all but jolting Ben out of his reverie.   
  
“Hello,” Ben said, curtly. It was rude, he knew, but there was something about the knowledge that his mother had somehow replaced Ben that was enough to make something truly ugly eat at him. 

”There a problem, buddy?” Poe said. Dammit, even his voice had to be pretty; why did this have to happen?

”Oh no,” Ben said scathingly. “It’s just that no one mentioned you before this point.”

”Don’t take it personally, Poe,” Luke said. “Ben’s not so bad when you get to know him.”

 _Well, thanks for that_ , Ben thought sarcastically, though he didn’t say it out loud. 

Getting into Ben’s ship, the  _ Grimtaash,  _ proper wasn’t any better. Even as they headed towards the cockpit, Ben couldn’t help but feel at least a prickle of irritation at the very idea of this young man, who probably had no idea how to fly a ship like the  _ Grimtaash _ (just because he likely flew some ships made to smuggle spice didn’t mean that he had any idea how to fly every ship in existence!), deciding that he could just waltz into the cockpit and do whatever he wanted.

“Don’t touch anything,” Ben said.

“Right, whatever.” Poe sat down in the opposite seat, rolling his eyes. “Can you even fly a ship? As in, have you actually had experience?”

“Well, not often,” Ben said weakly, “But it’s my ship. That I fly.”

“I can help,” Poe said.

Ben doubted he knew how to respond. Finally, he said, “How?” Less sarcastically, he thought, than he intended.

“I could be the co-pilot,” Poe said.

Ben smirked a little. “You think you can just help me pilot my ship? You must be good.”

“I’ve had practice,” Poe said. “My friend and I, and all.”

Ben sighed. “If you crash the ship...”

“Why, Master Jedi,” Poe said lightly. “Surely you have more faith in me than that?”

***

Of course it was guaranteed that when things were least convenient, Ben would have a nightmare. Of course it was. Even as he awoke in the cockpit, gasping for breath, sweating, hearing the sound of maniacal laughter that he couldn’t identify, Ben couldn’t help but feel his humiliation only building even as he took in Poe’s face, observing him with worry in his eyes. Worry. Somehow, there was something about all that which was enough to make Ben feel even more humiliated.

“You okay?” Poe said, softly.

Ben nodded. “It’s not relevant...”

“I’d say it’s pretty relevant. Looked like you were having one hell of a nightmare,” Poe said.

“Jedi don’t have nightmares.”

“Hey,  _ everyone  _ does,” Poe said. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Here.”

He handed Ben a blanket. A soft blanket, orange in color (was orange simply Poe’s favorite color or something, Ben wondered) and Ben swallowed, the moment being almost uncomfortable in its sweetness. “Thank you,” he said.

“Well, you don’t deserve to suffer like that,” Poe said. “Really. No one does.”

Ben swallowed. Already, he was too used to the idea that Poe was an interloper, the Ben-his-mother-wished-he-had, and he hated the whole idea. He didn’t know how to react to the idea of Poe actually being kind to him. Especially considering that...Poe had no reason to be, right? He wasn’t anyone special, talented, important...

“Thank you,” he said. He was aware of Poe’s gaze on him, the way that soft brown eyes (pretty brown eyes, damn him) seemed to be lingering on him under the blanket, like it was somehow a fascinating, endearing sight.  _ Fascinating. Endearing.  _ Ben didn’t think that those adjectives, of all things, would be used to describe him.

Poe shrugged. “It was the right thing to do,” he said. “Besides, I have nightmares too.”

“Do you?” Ben said, gently.

A nod. “You could say that.”

Ben could only imagine. “Why did you...become a spice runner anyway?”

Poe shrugged. “I was an idiot.”

“Don’t say that.” Ben didn’t know why he said that. Maybe it was that  _ look  _ on Poe’s face...

“I was. I’m not all Light, Master Jedi. I never was.”

“You’re more Light than me.”

“Well, I’m not perfect. If I was,” and here, that  _ smile  _ of Poe’s made Ben’s breath hitch, “My life would be easier.”

He was joking. It still made Ben’s heart, unexpectedly, ache. “I think you’re...a good man. If a bit insufferable.”

“I’ll keep up the former, work on the latter.” Poe said, lightly, and Ben felt a peculiar tug of affection towards him. Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe Poe and Ben would never see each other again after this. But Ben could at least accept the idea that Poe Dameron (maybe? Probably? Certainly?) wasn’t that bad.

***

“You seem to be in a better mood,” Luke said even as Ben, Poe and BB-8 sat around the table in the main hold. He looked critically at Ben, who had Poe’s blanket draped over him almost like he was sheltered with it. “I can’t say your...method of getting along well is something I expected.”

“It was the right thing to do,” Poe said, and Ben couldn’t help but be relieved that, at least, in that moment, Poe wasn’t being a moof-milker.

“It was,” Ben said. Then, feeling almost like he was pulling teeth, “Thank you.”

A shrug from Poe. “No problem.”

And the look on Luke’s face like he was currently speechless...well, that was more than worth it.

***

The problem with searching for the Knights of Ren was that they were hard men to find. Even as they searched Nar Shaddaa, and the old streets where Ben could imagine that long ago, refugees had been liberated there and a crime syndicate had been destabilized, Ben couldn’t help but wonder where he would hide, should he be trying to avoid the Jedi (and one Republic pilot, of course) searching for them. It had been a week or so trying to find the Knights of Ren. It felt longer than that, and like a wild bantha chase.

“Guess the obvious answer is ‘far away from us,’” Poe said when Ben voiced it.

Ben snorted. “Helpful,” he said sarcastically.

“Well, I’m just saying that I don’t see you knowing where they are...”

“And I assume,” Ben said icily, “You’re somehow the expert on finding wayward Knights of Ren?”

Poe snorted. “What do you think they are, lost pets?”

Depending on whether they used to be Jedi or not, Ben supposed it could be metaphorically true.

“Both of you, calm down!” Luke scolded. “You’re not going to get anywhere by arguing like...tu’kata over a piece of meat.”

Poe raised an eyebrow.

“He does that sometimes,” Ben said.

Somehow, he couldn’t believe that he agreed with Poe. Even later, when trying to stop one of the Knights from harassing a family of three in their own home, and getting captured as a result by Ren, the knights’ leader (apparently they were getting smarter, Ben thought), Ben still couldn’t believe it.

***

“Well, we’re here a while,” Poe said. “Might as well get comfortable.” Then, “White Haired Pretty Boy a friend of yours?”

Ben swallowed. Even thinking about it too hard was uncomfortable. “We...had an altercation once,” Ben said.

“Yes, and I beat him and his Knights,” Luke said. “A bit disappointing actually.” A beat. “Although I will say they’re getting smarter...”

Even as they sat in the jail cell that Ren had set up for them both, Ben couldn’t help but think that the silence was almost frightening.

Ben looked over at his uncle. “Is that supposed to make us all feel better?”

Luke shrugged. “It’s a fact. Ren’s not harmless by any means, but he’s not as brilliant as he thinks.” A beat. “He won’t hurt you, Ben. I doubt that sort of thing is in his arsenal.”

“Yeah, that makes our situation better,” Ben said sarcastically. A sigh. “We’re still in jail, uncle.”

“I noticed,” Luke said wryly. 

Ren came by later. Used his line that he had used on Elphrona, when Ben had first met him, about if he was sure the Jedi life was right for him. And there was something about Poe’s defense of him — had Ben fallen in love with him? Had this just been Ben re-realizing how good Poe really was, even though this man could also get on his nerves?

Even after Ren left, Ben turned to Poe, feeling suddenly shy, taking in soft brown eyes that had been so filled with fiery faith in him prior (him, of all people) like he was seeing Poe in a new light. 

“Why me?” Ben said. 

”You’re better than you think,” Poe said. 

***

Their escape did run into a few bumps, Ben thought, but at least they made it to the hangar, fighting the occasional guard. Ben supposed, in the end, that it was a success. All things considered. Even firing up the  _ Grimtaash  _ and leaving, he couldn’t help but feel like he failed, somehow, in his mission.

***

“I feel stupid,” Ben said, one of those nights the ship was in hyperspace back to the Academy. “Maybe I am.”

“Better luck next time?” Poe said gently.

Ben smiled faintly. He was grateful, at least, that Uncle Luke was asleep and BB-8 in low power mode. “Doesn’t really make me feel better. Poe...I don’t think you’d want to get to know me. There’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s more right than you think.”

“You don’t know what’s in my head.” And even then, how could he begin to explain? How could he even start to tell Poe about the voices?

“I saw you,” Poe said. “I saw all of you. You’re not...lesser for what’s in your head. Really.”

“I just don’t know  _ why _ ,” Ben said. His voice cracked despite himself. “Why you keep staying...even when I’m pushing you away.”

He looked away. Somehow, for a moment, he couldn’t look at Poe. Somehow, for a moment, he thought that Poe’s brilliance, his eyes, would burn him.

Poe’s fingers brushed over his own. Ben’s lips parted, suddenly feeling incredibly shy. Then, “Because in all your faults, in all your beauty...you’re worth it. More than just a mission.”

Ben swallowed. Somehow, he thought, he wasn’t that important. Wasn’t that wonderful. He had the galaxy screaming in his head and a man like Ren out for him and he’d drag Poe down.

(Did Poe want to be dragged down? Stuck with him, of all people?)

“It’s dangerous,” Ben said.

“I like the danger,” Poe said, smiling that sort of cocky smile.

“It’s different.”

“I like different.” Poe said. “Maybe it’s what I need.”

They were close. Too close. It wasn’t wise, just jumping in, and yet Ben wanted to. Wanted to be submerged, if it meant —

And then they were kissing. Soft, gentle lips, brushing against each other, and it felt...right, for lack of a better word. Completely right.

It felt too much like there were two sides warring inside Ben. The desire to give, the desire to claim and have and be  _ melded  _ with. Even as they kissed, Ben deepening it was experimental at first, before succumbing to the heat rushing through him.

And he needed. Even breaking away, he said, “I need to see you naked...but...”

Poe furrowed his brows. “But what?”

“You know that my uncle’s not gonna be happy,” Ben said.

Poe laughed in relief. Ben found he liked that sound, that  _ look _ as well. “Uncle, shmuncle,” Poe said. Then, more seriously, “I just want to look at you.”

Ben nodded. He couldn’t deny that. He also wanted to look at Poe, to know everything about him. “I want to see you too.”

Poe undressed first. And Ben...stars, Ben knew Poe was beautiful, but just seeing him, smooth bronze skin and all, his strong but not broad shoulders, his well-formed legs and hips and the endearing fold of softness below his navel.   


”You’re so beautiful,” Ben murmured.   


And Poe — somehow, Poe seemed to think the same of him. Somehow. He didn’t deserve to have Poe just stare at him with such awe, such wonder.   


”Stars, Ben,” Poe murmured. “That Jedi training must be good for you. Can I touch you?”

Ben nodded. Poe came closer, peppering Ben’s neck with kisses and licks and bites. Ben couldn’t help but gasp, then, at the sensations. At how everything felt. And his only worry, he said, about worshipping more of Poe’s body in turn was the fear of their size difference. Simply, Ben being too big. 

Poe sighed. “Ben Solo, I’m short. I’m not delicate.”

“Still...” Ben swallowed as he spoke. “I want to show you how beautiful you are — ”

“I’m not complaining,” Poe said. “Just get me on that damn bed and do it.”

Ben grinned, a bit sharklike. “Is that an order, soldier?”

“If you want it to be.” Poe joked.

Poe lay down, and Ben got between his legs. He didn’t know where to start, but eventually, he figured Poe’s well-formed legs were a good place to begin.

Ben couldn’t help but feel almost awkward, a large, muscled man who was all but stationed between Poe’s legs — beautifully formed legs at that, Ben thought impulsively — and occasionally asking Poe if this was all right, if that was all right, every lick and nibble to the interiors of his thighs. At least he was making Poe come undone; at least Poe seemed to like what he was doing, gasping and murmuring in pleasure. 

“You like it?” Ben said. “You like what I’m doing?”

“I love it,” Poe said. “You’re doing perfect.”

At Poe’s request, Ben worked his shaft with his hand while he worshipped Poe’s body — it was almost inconceivable, he thought, that Ben was Poe’s first. He was so breathtaking. So funny, more than that, and brave, and caring, and the very idea that Poe had never had another lover, another kiss...

At least Ben could remedy that. At least Ben could give Poe the attention and worship that this impossible yet wonderful pilot deserved —

And when Poe came into his hand, Ben couldn’t help but feel victorious. It wasn’t enough, though. He wanted to give Poe more, more than any potential lover could give him.   


”You want to be inside me?” Poe said.   


A nod from Ben.   


”Right. Just...unless you’re thinking of using that mess on your fingers as lube...”

“Can you actually do that?” Ben said, staring at the mess on his fingers.

“Why not?” Poe said. The way he smiled...stars, it just made Ben’s shaft ache more.

It took preparation (Ben was already aching to be inside Poe, but he knew patience was key. He wasn’t about to hurt his partner), but eventually, Poe was desperate enough, murmuring, “Ben...Ben, please” and Ben slicked his shaft with the mess on his hands, lined himself up at Poe’s entrance, and at Poe’s pleading, entered him.

Poe was  _ warm.  _ Ben couldn’t help but hiss in surprise as well as relief just being inside him. And judging by Poe’s gasp, he seemed to be enjoying it too. Ben could already feel the thoughts swirling inside Poe’s head —  _ he’s perfect, so  _ thick — and he couldn’t help but preen a little, knowing that Poe just loved his size.

“You okay?” Ben said despite himself.

“Need you to move. Need you...”

Ben did. It was a bit awkward, but the sheer feeling of Poe’s fingers lacing in his hair, his legs squeezing Ben for purchase, the utter  _ praise  _ as Ben drove into him again and again...Ben, at Poe’s request, reached between Poe’s legs and stroked his shaft back to hardness.

“So good,” Poe murmured. “So... _ good,  _ Ben.”

Ben couldn’t help but smirk a little. Maybe he was speaking too soon, but the fact he was effectively kriffing Poe so well that Poe couldn’t think of anything snarky to say...well, it was a victory. “You want more?”

“Y-yeah.”

He had to be gentle with Poe. Had to. It was at Poe’s reassurance that Ben went in, harder, more intense, little moans coming out that mingled with Poe’s. Poe was so  _ close _ ; it was in his ragged breathing and the way Poe  _ clenched  _ around him and his hips bucking and how his neck — that perfect neck. He was so beautiful, and Ben was doomed, doomed for him — was bared, and Ben had to hold back. Had to think about boring texts, even though his whole  _ body  _ was tense with the urge to come.

Instead, he twisted his hand between Poe’s legs. Touched him, and he didn’t know what he did, but Poe all but exploded into his hand a second time with a relieved cry. Ben paused, almost worried that he’d woken Luke...but there wasn’t a sign or sound.

He moved inside Poe again. Moved, feeling so good, so  _ joined,  _ and Poe was so warm and tight, and he needed to come, needed —

Ben was all but relieved when he did. There was so  _ much  _ of it too. It was like a torrent, and Ben could swear he let out a few curse words as it happened until it stopped, and he was gasping, taken aback by his orgasm and how  _ good  _ he felt.

He slipped out of Poe, feeling strange and yet foolishly content, Poe murmuring softly all the while as to how wonderful it all was.

“I’ll have to pay you back.” Poe gave him a lazy, sated smile. “For this, and everything.”

“You think you can beat my record?” It felt good, Ben thought, joking with someone.

Poe smiled. “I’m not averse to a challenge.” A beat. Then, more seriously, “Ben, I promise...no matter what happens, I won’t leave you. I doubt I ever could.”

Ben smiled back. Somehow, he thought, he felt at peace, more than he thought he would. “I know.”


End file.
